https://slama.dev/comeback/
Bro, you definitely haven't had enough yet.
I haven't even beaten my personal record yet.
Ozzak!
You're drinking during work hours again.
Hello, Marcelka.
Tomas, good day.
You put up with this.
Next week is Premium Lager Days and Ozzak is defending the Golden Kidney there.
So I made an exception and let him train in the shop.
Train?
The Golden Kidney is the top prize in the beer pentathlon.
He's training for the marathon right now.
What does this have to do with running?
It's about how many beers you can drink before you have to go to the bathroom.
Disgusting.
You haven't seen the freestyle event yet.
I mean Ozzak.
I mean the competition.
Thank God for the pentathlon.
When he did the Nordic combined, it was worse.
That's drinking on skis?
A liter of vodka, sauna, and then hammer throw.
Prague '17.
Will he be able to look after the shop in this state when we're in Bruntal?
Where?
In Bruntal.
I've arranged a concert for you there next week.
Jesus Mary, woman, have you lost your mind?
Allow me.
You don't go to Bruntal, they have the worst audience.
What kind of nonsense is that?
There are people there like everywhere else.
Everyone knows it.
Even Vlada Hron says so here in his Showbiz Calendar.
Where?
In the Showbiz Calendar.
It's his handbook for regional artists.
You can see it right on the first page.
Three golden rules of Vlada Hron.
Lip-sync is a safe bet,
anything for television, and never take Bruntal.
There are terrible things written about Bruntal in here.
Tomas, I spoke with the mayor and he said Mr. Hron is getting back at them for that unfortunate misunderstanding after his concert.
What misunderstanding?
He wouldn't say, but he emphasized that they're currently not asphalting anywhere and feathers are extremely scarce.
And that's supposed to calm me down?
Bruntal people are very tough and all my songs are about love.
Bruntal's happiest period was in 1964 when the army experimentally added LSD to the water supply.
But things must have improved since then.
Yeah?
In '84 they made Mencik cry there.
But they're really looking forward to you.
They even sent a deposit just for a promise of a performance.
Socks?
Sixty pairs of socks in dove grey.
They're quite nice.
And fireproof.
Are you kidding?
It's a rough region.
And they also included an information brochure.
And this would be your first district town, not counting Zlin.
That was a big lesson, Marcelka, a big lesson.
Well, see, and in Bruntal they'll let you sing.
They nearly tore my arms off, I had to promise them an encore.
Really?
Tomas, I can feel it in my bones that this will be a success.
As long as we don't underestimate the preparation.
The journey to Bruntal takes somewhere between six and twenty hours.
How come?
The mayor said it depends on whether it's the rainy season.
And when is the rainy season in Bruntal?
All year round.
Well, except for April Two.
What's April Two?
That's what they call July.
I don't understand how you can keep drinking after twenty beers.
I'm doing a cooldown.
How many?
About a minute.
About a minute?
What do you mean about a minute?
What's that supposed to be?
Damn it, Mambo, you're a lousy timekeeper.
48.
There you go.
That's more like it.
Forty.
Again.
But without me.
Hey, bro clearly told you to time me.
But he didn't say how many times.
Crap, this won't be good.
Seems fine to me.
No!
The guy from Pilsen did the half-pint in under thirty.
Radim.
Hey.
Practicing the straw?
Tomas isn't here.
He went to buy some dentures.
He'll be back in a moment.
Damn, and I have to run.
Could you help me?
I'm going to the employment office, I'm not sure if I filled out their form correctly.
Especially the job requirements section here.
What's so hard about writing "waitress"?
She doesn't want the job, does she?
Something like at the Badger.
Requirements for working hours.
Seventeen hours max. Well, that max can be minimum, every other Sunday work fully clothed.
Is it excessive?
No.
Great.
I want a job, but a tough accountant.
Mambo, let's go.
Now!
I'm off then.
Good luck and don't let them rattle you.
Why?
At the employment office they always had a laugh at Mambo's expense.
Really?
I wanted to confirm my average income and they sent me bus papers by mail.
I see.
At first I wanted to yell at them, but then I realized the bus actually comes in handy sometimes.
There has to be chaos at the government offices.
If they had things in order at social services, I could forget about those guide dog allowances.
Well, it's not much, five grand a year, but they throw in a bag of really good kibble.
Aren't you worried they'll catch on?
In five years they only came to check once, and luckily in summer.
You pretended to be on vacation.
No, Lexa let them in, but luckily I was wearing sunglasses.
So all I had to do was bump into the wardrobe a few times and yell "Barik."
Now I get the tram for free too.
Time!
Pardon?
I have a time.
Thirty... six.
The guy would have downed the half-pint in that time.
So bye.
Jesus, uncle, what happened?
Nothing, I was practicing triple-chug and the pint glass slipped.
Aren't you overdoing the training a bit?
Listen girl, talent isn't everything.
I just don't want you to be overtrained.
You're probably right.
Maybe I'll call Pitl and tell him I'm skipping synchronized drinking this year and just doing the pentathlon.
Brutal.
Uncle, what's wrong with you?
I'm kind of nervous, you know.
About what?
You've won the Golden Kidney four times in a row.
But this year they've allowed professionals to compete.
What professionals?
Fibbinger is coming, he drinks first league in Germany.
So do you.
We don't have a league here, Ivuska.
We're all registered as amateurs.
What?
Fibbinger is a pro from the Fazby League.
They say a week before a meet he sleeps buried in salt to build up a thirst.
Wait, he actually makes a living doing this?
Well you know, Germany, they've always been ahead.
And his conditions.
Special training pubs.
Training camp at Oktoberfest and equipment you can only dream of.
Teflon straws.
And me?
Three old shot glasses, a straw you used, and a paper bag instead of a starting pistol.
And Mambo keeps my time!
So Mr. Burda, that's a 500 crown fine for yelling at government offices.
Pay at the cashier's window.
Yeah.
Next!
Come in, have a seat.
I'm out of work, so I thought you could help me.
Are you a college graduate?
No.
That's a relief.
Is this your first time here?
Yeah.
Sign this here for me.
What is it?
That you've been informed about the ban on yelling at government offices.
I see.
We've been having some problems with that lately.
You really worked as the sole employee of a non-stop?
Yeah.
And you never closed?
Once for 20 minutes.
My son fell out of a window.
For twenty minutes?
Well, I had to go open the building for him, he couldn't reach the doorbells yet.
I see.
So, Mrs. Buckova, I'll register you in the computer now.
Since it's your first time, you don't even know how much easier everything is now that we've been connected to ISSS.
To what?
Integrated System of State Administration.
Look, it's all Greek to me too.
It's like a big computer that knows everything.
Absolutely everything?
Absolutely.
All the offices are on it now.
From the veterinary administration to the land registry.
Before, you had to run around to all of them yourself.
And today all I need to do is type in your birth number and it pulls up everything about you.
Whether you pay taxes, what social benefits you receive, whether you owe anything on health insurance, or what your milk yield is.
One moment.
Vera, hey, Holstein cattle breeding charts showed up on my screen.
Yours too?
Actually, how do I get rid of it?
I can't.
Ah, okay then.
Bye.
So, please, fill this out and then come back.
Thank you.
Bye.
In recent years, with the support of the European Union, the devastated landscape has been restored to its original character.
The Armageddon summit?
No, that's the Bruntal region before recultivation.
And now let's recall what Bruntal looked like before recultivation.
Do you really have to?
Marcelka already signed the contract.
Malicious tongues claim that Bruntal people don't like to have fun.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
In Bruntal, some colorful pastimes were actually born.
Besides hunting pregnant does, there's mainly the legendary race called the Silage Bullet.
Dad?
One moment.
Why is it printed on the back of a funeral announcement?
What?
They say they're saving there.
In archival footage we see a group of competitors gathering at the bottom of a silage pit.
The hunters are already loaded, so we'll wait for the gunshot.
I'm not going anywhere.
Pardon, but you gave me the wrong form.
Sorry.
This says application for a long-distance pipeline construction permit.
That's fine.
But I don't want to build a pipeline.
You know, when we order them through the system, sometimes different ones show up.
So we don't make a big deal out of it and use what we have.
And how am I supposed to fill it out?
Normally.
In the "cadastral area" box write your name, in "number of compressor stations" put the number of children.
There's a sample filled out on the bulletin board on the second floor.
Anything else?
The last wolf in the Bruntal region was killed in 2008.
The hunter was fourteen-year-old Ingo Wovs.
Weapon used?
A flail.
I should probably stop reading this or I'll dream about the Silage Bullet.
Come on bro, don't do this to me!
I seriously can't train here!
Sorry, can't you see my nerves are shot?
Fine, I'll leave the sprint for morning.
I'll set up a track for the triple-chug.
Bruntal is scaring me more and more.
Klistak is from Bruntal.
He could tell you what it's like there.
I'd rather not hear anything more.
Well, he doesn't say much anyway.
He just sits there, drinks his little beer, and draws frogs with teeth.
And here we go.
You drank my track.
I haven't seen a triple-chug like that in a long time.
This is what government administration does to a person.
Just packing a few things for the trip.
Marcelka, I've made up my mind.
I'm not going to Bruntal.
You talked to Hron, didn't you?
I went to see him, but someone hit him with a flail.
So he's in the ICU.
Tomas, why are you stressing about this?
Bruntal is a town like any other today.
And did you know that the word Bruntal comes from the German Freudenthal, meaning happy valley?
Yesterday they reported a cougar on the loose there.
Don't be afraid of anything.
I spoke with the mayor.
He made a deal with the Wovs family and as soon as Ingo gets back from Prague, he'll sort it out.
No, I'm not going.
Have you read the contract?
Of course, though there's one letter in it I don't recognize.
That's a hard F, a regional specialty.
Have you read the cancellation terms? They're on the other side.
Under the names of the deceased's sons: Ingo, Viktor, and Wolf with families.
The only acceptable excuse for canceling is illness.
Even then you'd pay a forty thousand crown penalty.
For God's sake, where would I get forty thousand?
Or the equivalent in frog skins.
Then call them and say I have the flu.
Unfortunately, in the Bruntal region the flu isn't considered an illness but a sign of weakness.
What counts as an illness there?
A gunshot wound or a fracture.
And regarding your last employment?
I mined mud.
Bruntal?
And why did you leave?
Ran out of mud.
Excuse me for a minute.
Is it necessary?
Yes.
This morning I found this envelope in your mailbox.
And what about it?
It contains a military draft order to a motorized rifle unit in Pribram.
Wait.
The computer apparently flagged you as an unconvicted white male.
Under 25, in good physical condition.
And what do we do about it?
We'll cancel it.
Yeah, right.
You'd have to run around to a lot of places.
The military administration, the registry, the gynecologist, and the district court.
The gynecologist?
To confirm that you're a woman.
Today all you need to do is type in your birth number.
Hymenoptera.
Unfortunately.
Military administration, registry, gynecologist, district court.
Here you go.
Vera, please, they showed up on my screen again.
Yours too, huh.
So that's that.
Wait, Mrs. Buckova, please, at the gynecologist tell them to put your name under "estimated annual extraction volume" and your sex under "vegetation."
So we don't have a mess here later, okay?
Actually, Vera, how do I delete this?
I can't.
Ah, bye.
Well, I'm off.
So tomorrow, are you excited?
Very, very excited.
Tomorrow Bruntal, the day after maybe Ostrava.
We'll hit the road at seven in the morning.
We still need to practice putting on snow chains.
But of course, it's May after all.
February Two, Tomas.
All right, bro, here I go!
Break a leg, bro.
Wait, you're not coming to watch?
Mr. Pacovsky needs to get some sleep before the trip.
But I'll come, of course I'll come, just let me stop by Simona's first.
Is Mom home?
She said she'd be back either at eight or when her shift ends.
Then I'll wait for her.
Bro.
And if I win, you can hand me the flag when I drink the honorary beer.
What is this?
It's got the wrong colors right now.
What do you mean wrong colors?
White like foam, yellow like beer.
I see.
And the green?
Green.
Vera.
Hey, I got a firearms license.
Do you know what that is?
A commendation?
Well, great.
Look, I was really freaked out.
A commendation used to always be a transit visa.
What, they sent that to you?
A mining permit decision, yeah?
Jesus, and what did you do?
I have to go, I've got a client.
Buckova, Simona, I don't want to go to the army.
Okay, okay, okay.
Jeez, but you'll have to go to the gynecologist again.
The system sent the correct forms.
They're white on black, but hopefully your gynecologist has a white pencil.
What is it?
You have to break my hand.
Say "all you need is to type in your birth number" and I'll break both.
All you need is to type in your birth number.
Then we'll both feel better.
But this is the left one.
I don't care.
But I do.
The left one is hand number two.
Then the right one.
Bye.
Lock the door properly.
No, what are you doing?
Breaking your hand.
Like this? But it'll hurt.
For crying out loud, you wanted your hand broken, didn't you?
I mean, where does such brutality come from?
So do you want your hand broken or not?
But without anesthesia, you're acting like a butcher.
Then anesthetize yourself somehow.
Ready?
One more spring blend.
Tomas is going to kill me.
Good evening, Simona.
Bruntal called.
We have to leave immediately.
Marcelka, please, could you wait outside for a moment?
I'm here with Simona...
We don't have a minute.
The mayor said the frogs started migrating unexpectedly early this year.
Did you say frogs?
I meant frogs.
We should take the Pulnek route.
That one's still holding.
Then hurry up and go pack.
Do you have motion sickness pills?
The pontoon bridge over the Lobnik has loose ropes.
See?
If you weren't such a coward, you could already be happily howling in pain.
With a stunning triple-chug, Czech competitor Pacovsky has closed the gap from the straw event.
And the thrilling duel between him and the German Fibbinger will be decided by the final royal discipline.
The marathon!
And while the competitors prepare, let's welcome once again Iron Zekon.
Hey.
Who's that?
Iron Zekon.
The strongest guy around.
A looker.
And insanely strong.
We met at the restrooms, he patted my shoulders.
It hurt a bit, but now I can call him Zdenda.
Yeah, he looks like he could have looked at that singer and scared him off.
Sasenka, that's quite a strong man, isn't he?
He's disgusting, he just destroys things, he's a mindless brute.
Well, honey, when a guy thinks, it's about how to fool you.
Your dad for example, now there's a great thinker.
I'd rather read.
Sure.
We ask the competitors to report to the start of the final discipline.
Three competitors are lining up for the marathon.
At table number one, the Czech number one and defending champion, representing the Czech Republic, Franta Ozzak-Pacovsky.
Number two, the challenger from Germany, Herr Heino Fibbinger.
And number three, Enzo Birneri, Italy.
And since Vlada Hron still hasn't come to, the marathon will be started by
Iron Zekon.
So, lads.
Ready.
Set.
Oops, oh dear, I seem to have crushed it.
Well, never mind, lads.
So drink up.
Go.
Ivuska.
Dad, where are you?
They're already on their 21st beer.
I came to say goodbye, I'm going to Bruntal.
You didn't chicken out.
What's that under your coat?
A bulletproof vest.
It's a tough region.
If anything happens to me, I wrote everything down for you.
It's on the fridge.
And say hi to Ozzak.
Dad, Ozzak is heading for victory, won't you wait?
Marcela and Simona are already waiting in the car.
Dad!
Mamma mia!
The Italian competitor ends at the insurmountable 21st beer.
How will this end?
Will the Czechs succumb to Germanic thirst?
22 swigs, dawn is breaking!
OZZAK!
Tomas, we said five minutes.
I'm coming, sorry.
Please.
I've got nothing left to lose.
Laika.
The winning competitor may savor the honorary beer.
Congratulations.
Oh, pardon.
Thanks, Zdenda.
Tomas, we're half an hour behind schedule.
We're almost past Malicek.
All right.
Bro.
You showed me the way, that I shouldn't give up.
I'll handle Bruntal, let's go!
Wait, you're going to Bruntal?
Yeah, I've got an encore there.
You must be one tough guy.
I never dared go further than Krnov.
That's still pretty lucky.
Bye!
Oh crap, again?
That's it, that's it.
At least three, just the wrist.
That's too much.
I'm not going anywhere, it's broken.
Thirty-two.
You still haven't gone to the bathroom?
One more will fit in there.
Vera.
Oh, hi Vlasta.
I'm looking at it too.
What does it say?
Carbon-based beings, you will be destroyed.
And there's a countdown in the bottom corner.
You too?
Well, okay then.
Bye.